So here we are in Pisces and I find myself contemplating the issue of faith. This “faith” thing is a real challenge for me. I need it, I want it and it’s a wonder to behold when I feel it but I really struggle to get a handle on it. Why is that?
With so much fire in my natal chart, my first reaction to every problem in life is to take action, to throw enough energy at the situation to cause or even force the desired outcome. But that’s too easy and not what I’m here to learn. Rats! So, of course, problems keep popping up that can’t be solved that way and I feel helpless, out of control and worried because I have to be patient, ask others for help and learn to harness all my fire energy in a different way. When I try to control an infinite number of external factors plus my own personal doubts, I feel I am dancing with insanity. So what’s an anal retentive, Virgo control freak to do? That blind faith nonsense is for the tourists! I want to get my mind around this huge concept of synchronicity where events unfold according to an unseen harmonious pattern while somehow accommodating the seemingly infinitive iterations of free will.
Why? Well, with a Virgo sun, I’m a natural systems analyst so I want to discover the underlying mechanics. How else am I going to heal the wounds of the world and win the lottery? I deeply crave consistency, reason and harmony in a chaotic world. And even though I have experienced one perfect resolution after another over the years, I am still not convinced that I can relax and trust that things will turn out just fine because I’m externalizing my faith. As Yoda told Luke, Kai Opaka told Commander Cisco, and White Elk tells me, look for answers within! And what do each of us do in response to such advice? We groan and yearn for another book, seminar or expert!
The bottom line to all of this is that I guess I skipped Trust and Faith 101 as a child because I find myself in a remedial class at age 41. The challenge now is to heal my fear, guilt and low self esteem and exercise my personal power by practicing alignment with Father-Mother-God and those around me. And day by day, I take little steps, gain confidence in myself and my faith and my trust in the system of synchronicity grows and becomes stronger. So I emerge out of “I’m not worthy or capable and why am I here?” mode into “I volunteered for this and I’m fully equipped, loved and supported to tackle it!” mode. I practice how to convert worry energy into healing energy by using ritual to declare my intent, align myself with Universal Mind and channel loving energy into the problem. As a result, I experience first hand the difference between human will and Divine alignment and see how the teamwork of alignment causes an outcome that far exceeds what I had imagined was possible. So instead of trying to control a situation, I direct loving energy into the chaos and out of it comes creativity, inventiveness and healing.
I look forward to graduating Trust and Faith 101. I know I will emerge with the realization that true faith begins with trusting myself to be deserving of Divine Love and trustworthy with holy tasks. Best of all is the realization that when I am aligned with Father-Mother-God, I am a co-creator of miracles. I cannot imagine a more satisfying or higher purpose for my life! */:-)