In 1993, I found myself at a fork in the road called my life. When it came to my career, I had not been following my heart but my head. While I had achieved certain accomplishments, I had not found lasting joy or satisfaction in my work. My self-image was battered enough that I was unable to listen to or trust my heart, my intuition in these matters. So I stuck with logic in trying to develop a better course of action. Never mind that logic alone had been consistently failing me! I stubbornly persisted, thinking that I just had to try harder. (I think that’s what AA states as the definition of insanity!)
After beating my head against the wall for a few months and getting nothing out of it except a headache, I took a week off and went backpacking near Mt. Rainier with Inga and her mom, Stephanie. I decided to really treat these 5 days of hiking as a vision quest, a way to clear my mind and achieve a state of clarity. We departed and day after day, as I had nothing to do but walk through all that elemental beauty, my mind indeed became peaceful. I was no longer worried about work or anything else for that matter. Somehow, I knew it would all work out and I savored that rare state of mind.
On the fifth and final day, we descended into a valley. At the end of it was our car, some six or seven miles distant. Midway down the valley, the hiking trail disintegrated into a web of game trails and I soon realized that we were pretty well lost. I knew in which direction the car was but getting there safely though rough country before nightfall was the trick. Elk don’t drive cars and their trails were not going to lead us to the trailhead parking lot! I mentally tried to logic my way through this dilemma while appearing calm and in control to Inga and Stephanie. Once again, I found logic alone to be failing me but this time instead of stubbornly persisting, I declared to Father/Mother/God that I couldn’t do this alone. With that simple act of letting go, I immediately heard a calm, strong voice in my head say, “Head downhill.” There was no trail but I announced to Inga and Stephanie that we were heading downhill and as I changed direction, the voice spoke again. “Not there. Over here.” At that moment, a shaft of sunlight pierced the dark forest canopy and illuminated a spot in the woods some 150-ft. away. I walked over to that spot and behind a shrub I found the hiking trail. It led straight downhill to the river below. I stood there in shock and wonder while Inga and Stephanie walked merrily past me onto the trail commenting on what a great scout I was! Dumbfounded, I slowly fell in behind them as I pondered this amazing demonstration of Divine guidance.
Once home, I quieted my mind and tried it again. I declared to Father/Mother/God that I was lost on this career thing. I stated that I was ready to go wherever it needed me to be to do its work, not mine. Instantly, the idea came to me to go to the Library and look in the newspaper so I acted on it. I walked over there, grabbed the Seattle paper, opened it to the job ads and looked under the computer section. The very first listing was for an insurance company out in the countryside. As my logical mind threw up lots of objections, I saw in my heart a door to be opened if I chose to. I felt that opening and walking through that door would take real courage and commitment on my part and that scared me. There were many other possibilities in the job listings and I sent a resume to every one of them but they didn’t have any energy behind them like the first one did. So I used my commitment to work for Father/Mother/God to overcome my fear and the job fell right into place.
Be careful what you wish for, right? Every day at the new job challenged me as to why I was alive and what I was here to do. Every day presented me with a choice to look within and follow Truth wherever it may lead or to get the hell out of there. I have to admit that I was sorely tempted on many occasions to bolt but I found strength in my commitment to Father/Mother/God so I kept walking the path.
I have now walked that path for seven years and along the way, I’ve found miracles, healing, friendship, compassion, knowledge and most of all, Divine Love. My solar returns became trail guides on this extraordinary hike. I discovered and unleashed the power within my natal chart and I reunited with dear, old friends from past lifetimes. It was a strenuous journey to be sure but the rewards have far outweighed the effort I expended.
I now find myself at another fork in the career trail. Last month, in Scorpio 2000, I described my feelings of restlessness about my career and how I turned to a transit report to get a better understanding of the energies I was experiencing. You may recall that Saturn is playing a huge role in my life right now. As a result, I asked Inga to guide me in meeting with Saturn in the astral realm to see how Saturn and I could co-create a transformation event in my career. The following is the transcript of that guided meditation session:
November 25, 2000
Inga guides me in astral travel after a yoga session. She directs me to the Lunar Library. I arrive and Daniel, one of our kitties who passed away, is waiting for me. I play with him for awhile and then Inga asks me if I see the paintings on a particular wall. I do but as I move closer the paintings become extremely blurred. She directs me to look out through the archway onto the Universe instead and asks if any star stands out. No, but I see Saturn and that comes as no surprise! I am in my centaur form and White Elk, my spiritual teacher, climbs onto my back as I jump through the arch into space. We plummet through space to Saturn and arrive after a second or two.
All is black. I can see and sense nothing. Inga asks White Elk to help me see. “Saint” Michael, Inga’s spiritual teacher, appears before me and adjusts my 3rd eye chakra. Between the two of them, I am able to see a church mission after awhile off in the distance. We move toward it and enter through the front door. The walls and ceiling are richly painted with angels and scenes from the Bible. It’s all very Catholic! There are lit candles everywhere and I can smell incense.
I become aware of a presence before me. It is a man in a peach colored robe and as he comes into focus, he looks just like the European version of Jesus! I’m wondering why someone like Jesus is coming to talk to me. I just wanted to talk to Saturn! He knows that I recognize him and he smiles. Thinking that he’s appeared as a European for my benefit, I ask Him if he would appear in his Middle Eastern form. He smiles and becomes a man with olive skin and dark curly hair. He smiles again and becomes pure light before reverting back to his European form. He says that we first met when I read the first four books of the New Testament in the Bible as a teen. This is how I thought of him back then based on the artwork I was seeing at the time.
Inga asks what He is here to tell me. Jesus says he is here to talk to me about Truth, Love and dedication. He says my time at the insurance company job is over. I have done well. My courage, leadership and love have shown many people their own personal transformative paths and in the process, I’ve been healed of many wounds and transformed myself. Now those people have to clarify their intentions and decide whether or not to follow their paths. I cannot do it for them and if I stay, they may lean on me rather than make the journey themselves. I will leave behind a legacy of Truth and conviction that will inspire others to follow their paths of enlightenment.
Inga asks where Jesus wants me to work at next. He says I am to be a shepherd for the people at the new job that has synchronistically appeared before me. They are ready to be shown the path of Light, Truth and Love. They are ready to be connected to each other and the Universe. Be gentle and loving in the interview. They need to see the shepherd in me, not the warrior.
Inga asks why he has brought me to this church. He replies to have me experience the beneficial structure of ritual. He smiles and says that the Catholics were really big on it; the candles, the incense, the moon phases, etc.
Jesus tells me I have no need to worry any more. I now belong to him. He’s been waiting for me ever since I discovered him as a teen. My lessons for this lifetime were completed as I faced death due to my heart ailment. When I chose to stay here out of dedication to Inga and to serve mankind together, I became one of his servants just as Inga belongs to Michael when she chose to stay and serve mankind during her near death experience. Jesus says he is the one that answered when I asked for guidance in the woods up by Mt. Rainier. He was the Light that literally appeared to show me the way. He is the one who sent me to the insurance company when I stopped following my own agenda and I asked that Father/Mother/God send me where it needed me.
I am stunned and humbled by this disclosure. My body is vibrating from head to toe as I lie on the floor. I begin to cry from the overwhelming sense of acceptance and Love I am feeling. Jesus comes over and takes my head in his hands and presses his forehead to mine. Simultaneously, one of my kitties in the physical realm licks my forehead and we both smile at the sight and the sensation of it. As the session comes to an end, Jesus tells me to ask Him for whatever I need and to be brave in doing His work! The path is narrow, steep and lonely at times but I am now one of His shepherds and in His care. I return to normal consciousness and Inga greets me. */:-)