Blowing Bubbles

If you read Pisces 2004, you know that I engaged that water energy in a big way by taking up SCUBA again after a 22 year hiatus. I have put myself through a basic SCUBA course and have aced all the written exams as I only needed to make minor adjustments here and there to my knowledge of the sport. The pool time was a blast and the old skills I described in Pisces came online the instant I got wet. There is something really cool about sitting on the bottom of the pool blowing bubbles! One unexpected complication was my long hair. It repeatedly got caught in all that gear and after each pool session, it would take two days to get all the snarls out. My motorcycling hobby is also tough on my hair and I’ve considered, from time to time, cutting it short. So SCUBA definitely brought the issue to a head, no pun intended.

Once I logically made the decision to cut my hair, I realized that I had some emotional aspects to consider before making the change. My ponytail represented quite an investment of time, energy, patience and healing. It had become a symbol of beauty and independence for me and I have affirmed many times that I would never cut my hair. But at this juncture, I sensed an opportunity for transformation and I realized that the beauty and independence I spoke of will now always be a part of me, with or without the ponytail. So Inga and I visited our dear friend and hair stylist of 15 years, Robert. Once he realized we were serious, he lopped my ponytail off with enthusiasm and handed it to Inga. As I held the severed ponytail in my hands, I was taken aback at the energy emanating from it and the fact that it still felt connected to my head. I could see a decade of my life within it, filled with healing and transformation. No wonder Inga insisted on keeping it.

So what was imagined in Pisces has become a wonderful new adventure in Aries but as with most things Arien, I quickly find myself sorely tested as I realize that I do not have the Taurean resources to move forward. Let me explain. A SCUBA class requires its students to fill out a medical questionnaire and if you check “yes” on any number of items, you must obtain a doctor’s written assurance of your ability to safely dive. As I’m covered with scars from numerous surgeries and as one often is standing around on the beach or boat with nothing but swim trunks on, I thought it best to disclose them up front. So off to the doctor I go. I select one who is very experienced in diving medicine and learn that with all that I’ve been through, it’s going to take a CAT scan of my chest, pulmonary testing of my lungs and an EKG to prove that I can safely return to diving. As I am between jobs at the moment and without health insurance, this will run $1,000. Add the fact that this also isn’t the best time to be buying dive gear. In the back of my head, I can hear that Aries energy saying “What do you mean I have to wait????”. But I sense greater powers at work and I calmly accept the delay. I’ve learned the hard way that if I stubbornly refuse to listen to my higher self and my guides, they will proceed with whatever they are working on while leaving me in the dark.

This delay is highly effective in refocusing my attention on the real matter at hand – finding a new job. Oh yeah, that issue. I was so busy with SCUBA, I had sidelined the job hunt out of frustration due to the lack of any visible progress. Learning SCUBA again gave me something tangible to work with. I will admit that I could feel progress being made by the Universe but when it goes “underground” and I feel out of the loop, I become rather petulant and childish. I do have to chuckle at the thought that I actually think I’m up to the task of fully comprehending, and accepting, the plans of the Universe. When I’m told to “trust the process” of the Universe, I peevishly demand full disclosure of the “process”. After all, how can I follow something I’m not versed in? And trust? Who am I trusting? The Universe? That’s mighty vague. Once the fearful blustering stops and I enter that calm space of meditation, I realize the trust issue is not an external one, but an internal one. It’s all too easy to lash out at some huge, nebulous Universe than to look within. It comes down to this – do I trust myself?

Do I trust myself to act at all times with compassion, love, integrity, clarity and wisdom? To be brave and not fearful? To spot the divine opportunities for healing and transformation that the Universe arranges in my path? A tall order, indeed, but then I realize that I have a mighty and devoted ally, my higher self, a powerful being of pure Light and Love. Who else knows me better? If I am the low man on the totem pole, then my higher self is at the top and can see the forest while I only see the trees. As I’ve gotten to know my higher self, I’ve begun to realize that despite my ego and its sense of self importance, my mortal self is just an extension of my higher self, a singular manifestation of its consciousness. So despite the egotistical tantrums described above, I have been deferring more and more to my higher self and slowly developing a greater sense of trust. I can now see that the idea about SCUBA came from my higher self and was intended to give me something to occupy myself while preparations were being made by the Universe.

This three month period of so-called “unemployment” has been anything but that. I have felt my higher self guiding me as an employee of the Universe and as I have performed the duties put before me, I have been compensated in many wondrous ways, including cash for our household. As I write this, the “process” has resurfaced with two very viable, rewarding jobs that are very suited to my skills. Despite my occasional fearful doubts, this has been an amazing demonstration for me and as such, I have developed a deeper bond with my higher self, one based on trust. My reintegration of Mind, Body and Spirit has indeed taken a giant step forward. Thank you Father/Mother/God for this opportunity! */:-)

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